What makes someone a narcissist?
The best way I can sum up what over 20 years of knowing a narc is, is this way...
Imagine someone wired all wrong, inside they are broken, filled with darkness, jealousy, envy, malice, inferiority, and out of that abundance flows, lies, deception, mistrust, suspicion, control, hate, emptiness, envy, self hate, turmoil, torture, manipulation, misery, criticism, instability, abuse, anger, outbursts, evil.
Then to couch all this darkness they act loving, forgiving, kind, generous, attentive, attracted to you, patient, funny, caring, pious, God fearing, then imagine trying to love, respect, honour, share life, laugh, confide, forgive, serve such a person and you end up exhausted, a shadow of yourself. Scared, stressed, anxious, sick, isolated, unhappy, unloved, unhealthy, lacking in self confidence, shy, lost, indecisive, traumatised, drained, wasted, bitter, angry, forgetful, confused, sad, sick, broken, destroyed, and nothing to show for all the years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes spent wracking your brain trying to make this person happy, content, grateful, proud until you wake up one day and realise you were never and will never be enough.
Nothing you have ever done and will ever do, will meet the mark.
And when you decide to leave, expect to fight for your reputation, your children, family, friends, finances, sanity, sleep... everything. But keep the faith, surround yourself with other survivors, know this is just a person, be on guard but never fear or waver. Flee.
