• As the Narcissist grows old.

As the Narcissist grows old.

Annah M

It is a pathetic and sorrowful thing to witness a narcissist as they age and deteriorate.

There are 3 things that the narcissist needs for their best possible survival. Narcissistic supply, ability to obtain that supply, and ability to maintain it too. Each of these requirements becomes more and more elusive, to the narcissist, as the years pass. That is for obvious reasons such as physical ageing, less energy and often other cognitive presentations that come with the disorder. The pathology increases and it will often morph into a more cerebral type of narcissist. (Please don't mistake that description for intelligence, necessarily. We're basically talking about the mastery of bullshit and not mastery of life's wisdom. There is little authentic wisdom in a narcissist.)

Once their appearance begins to wither, they will often begin to rely more on calculated psychological manipulations. They become more dangerous in that way. They are both practised and engrained in the narcissistic pattern. But, what is going on inside of them? Greatly increased fear and rage, my friend. Let me tell you something true. In the ageing narcissist? Their own mortality becomes their primary and core fear. The narcissist's rage and rebellion against their own forthcoming irrelevance take precedence, even over narcissistic supply. They feel like they are being erased. Slowly and torturously.

They live in terror of death. Each ache becomes a reminder and every small symptom of ageing or disease becomes a potential terminal illness in their now hyper-paranoid minds. Who will care for them? I can assure you that death comes for the narcissist long before their body shuts down. Decades before, in some cases. And, when their colleagues, "friends" and acquaintances begin to pass? They become even more frozen in fear. It's simply the narcissist running into reality. Narcissists have a very difficult time with reality, to say the least.

But, that is only the beginning. The rage? By that point, it is literally eating them alive. However, the rage becomes more of a cold one, on the exterior. But, that rage burns ever more firey and furiously on the inside of them. They just cannot tolerate other humans by having been disappointed so many times. The rage increases the more they become dependent on other people.

They reach a point where they have to fake humble themselves more often to get what they want. To get more pity. But, to even mimic "humility" for a narcissist, is difficult. They loathe being seen as needy or weak. But they will certainly be the weakest and the neediest soul you ever did see - if it gets them what they want.

They would much prefer to be Grandiose in this particular arena and also make it clear to everyone around them how little they need them (a lie). They would much prefer to choose when they use the fake humble act. But with aging? They are forced to depend on that mask of "humility" quite heavily. And they hate it with every fibre of their being. (They hate us even more. Envy us even more. They think we're faking humility too. Yet, they can see we "fake it" better. Get better results. Of course, that's because it's real for us.)

A healthy and humble person has developed meaningful relationships by that time in life while the narcissist has more people walking away. And, I can assure you that many leave the narcissist behind. This baffles the narcissist. Where did everyone go? It's not fair. So, they begin to want to take what we have even more. What's that? Everything. Everything that makes you what they are not. They want to take as many as they can, and keep them in the same agony that they suffer, to the end of life. They're not going down alone, of this, you can be certain.

As for the external? It is so very important to the narcissist to appear "good". The chickens are coming home to roost and they are in turmoil. Scrambling to reanimate old supplies, making fools of themselves on social media, etc. The narcissist has no idea how foolish they look trying to mimic and prove they're a "good humble person." How absurd they look, mimicking a human trait that can only be authentic in those with human empathy. There is no real humility in a narcissist. Humility is the opposite of pride.

And The Narcissist will save a double dose of hatred for those whom they are forced to depend on. Primary SO, family, caretakers, etc. The ones who come too close as the narcissist disintegrates. Most of all? If you examine them closely, they are tired. Very, very tired of this thing we call "life." At best, they can only endure it. At worst, they set out to destroy everything in their path before their time expires.

Beware the ageing narcissist.

Narcissists are disordered, that is true. However, they are quite aware of their own emptiness and failures. My narcissistic ex in a rare moment of clarity stated, "There's something missing in me." The expression on his face was one of authentic bewilderment. And, genuine sorrow for himself. Why yes, something was and is missing in the narcissist. Empathy. The cornerstone of the disorder.

I didn't even bother trying to explain to him. It was the end of us that night and he physically left me the next morning. That night, I just laid there and cried. I also told him that, in the end, all that will be there for him is his own rage and resentment. That may sound (to some) a cruel thing to say. The way I see it? It was merely the truth.

The end of a narcissist is rage, fear, sorrow and pain beyond the description of these words. I believe personally that it's the most intense suffering a human being can endure on this earth prior to physical death. And in death? There will be more than one person who knew the narcissist - and will feel only relief. Can you imagine that? Living an entire life on this Earth and more than one person being relieved when we die?

That is the end of a narcissist.

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